It's About the Journey, Not the End

A few weeks ago I had a major conflict with one of my teachers.

I don't really feel like going into details, but it was a situation where I was seriously worried for my grades and I felt that my teacher was being unfair to me. I seem to have a tendency to disagree with the ideas of this particular teacher and for me, this one major problem was the breaking point. It got to where my teacher wrote my parents an email and she and my mom debated back and forth for days.

For me, parent involvement means that the issue is pretty serious because I can usually handle things by myself. What made the whole thing worse for me is that all this took place in a class that I've always excelled at. I absolutely love the subject and I loved my old teacher, but once I moved to a new school I guess things started to go downhill.

In the end, my teacher won the argument, which resulted in me facing some consequences that I still feel I didn't deserve.

Well, in the days following, I sunk into an all-time low. It felt like mild depression, almost. I'm not even joking. I felt like I was under constant pressure. I cried often and I hated going to school. I even considered dropping out.

It wasn't just because of the argument. For the past few months I've been feeling like school doesn't teach me anything. Finally one evening when I broke down, my mom reminded me that I should enjoy the journey, enjoy life. She said that if I really felt this school wasn't for me, we could move to a different school. But no matter where we went, it would mean nothing if I couldn't teach myself to stay positive. And I think that was exactly what I needed to hear.

I had to learn to enjoy the journey, to enjoy every part of my life. I had to realize that I wasn't alone and that I could be happy.

This is how I got myself along the journey to happiness. I'm still figuring things out but at least I've gotten somewhere! It took a lot of time and tickets on the Train of Thought to organize these steps and their effectiveness, so I sincerely hope someone out there finds this interesting!

**Also, please keep in mind that I'm still on this road. I still feel frustrated and worthless at times, but following these steps is how I help myself get better.**

The very first step to being happy was telling myself I didn't want to be sad. I know it might seem obvious, but for some time I actually felt that it was so much easier to be sad than to be happy. If I cried, people would go easy on me and pay attention to me.

But then I saw myself in the mirror, hunched over, eyes red and puffy, face scrunched up in a frown... did I want to stay like this forever? Sure, staying sad might seem attractive now, but fifty years in the future, would I look back proudly on my decision?

Absolutely not. So I told myself I wanted to be happy, and Step One was a go.

**Actually, and this is an update from Future Revs, Step One was not that easy to get past. For a time, I felt like not only was it easy to be sad, I wanted to be sad. I'm updating this post because although I thought I had gotten past this, it's been happening again. You can read more here.**

The next step was making myself get through the day. Yes. The second step wasn't being all "I'm so thankful" or "I will be happy" because let's face it, when you're depressed, that's hard to do.

So my next step was be forcing myself to get up early, eat breakfast, get to school, and come home. I didn't have to be happy about it, but I did have to tell myself constantly, You are going to be okay. Once my mind and body realized that they would have to go through the day like always, I stopped excusing myself for being lazy or sad, and seeing the day through slowly became a habit. I had to say, You can get through this. You'll do it because you have to and because you know how to.

After the second day of doing this, I realized that Step Two doesn't have to be a constant torture. So I added another challenge: Step Three.

Step Three was searching for things that

1. made me happy

2. kept me occupied/distracted or

3. helped me cope with my stress.

For me, badminton tryouts helped me stay active and I was more worried about not collapsing during training than about my unhappiness! Some other activities include going on long walks, singing, talking to a friend, studying, dancing, writing in a journal, talking to a friend, or reading.

**If you're following these steps or have tried something similar, make sure the things you choose are SAFE and do not hurt anyone, INCLUDING YOURSELF. I don't want someone to start doing drugs or something and say that's what I told them to do!**

Ideally, Step Four would be to savor the little moments and learn to be thankful for all I've been given. But honestly, I think that's already included in Step Three and I personally remind myself to be thankful every night before going to bed. So for me, being grateful for my life isn't an issue... thankfully! (Did you get that? 'Cause you have to be thankful? Thankfully? No?)

Step Five is taking some time to reflect on your day. Once things have calmed down, you can start thinking about your problems with a clear head and work on them little by little. Find out what exactly is bothering you and find some solutions. For example, I've decided that I'm not going to continue this problematic class next year because it seems I'm always at odds with the teacher. I can take an online course instead and pick a new elective. That way, I can still continue to study the subject I love, and I get the chance to try something new!

Right now, I am working on Step Five, so that means that I'll have to end the post here. But I'll be sure to update it once I reflect and think some more about my journey so far!

I guess the main thing I've learned from all this is that it's not the end result that's important, but mostly the how you got that result, and the why, and the lessons you learned from an experience. I learned not only to be more careful around people I disagree with but also that I have so many opportunities available for me, and all I needed to do was look for them. It's really true, sometimes we go through an experience and never realize its true significance until we look back on it later. Well, I hope to break that cycle and start appreciating everything I have even as I'm doing it!

Along the road of life, it might be hard to recover from a fall. But you have to remember that all that matters is that you get up again, and you keep walking with a smile.